why am i jealous???

Well,why am i jealous? am i actually in love.............?? well,i dunno wat tat feeling is...it cud b a crash,an infatuation,anything.......i guess the feelings in my mind can b best expressed only after ,say 5 or 6 months......so,d countdown begins.......!!!hahahaha........ Today,im in a relaxed mood..

So, i guess,it is the right time 2 look back and pin point where i actually went wrong..maybe it could have been my appearance...i admit,i have a very childish look...but,i cant help it......and im not ashamed of it.infact,i like it.i guess the main reason would have been my persistent outburst at stuff in which a normal mallu girl is expected 2 keep mum at.but,again,i cant help tat.or it could have been my padipist image (it s just an image.......dunno who has spread it,coz im anything but a nerd)......now tats not my fault.........well,i guess i dont belong to this college....none of my crushes like me.infact,i can safely say tat, they absolutely detest me.neither do i have d courage to speak to them nor do i actually know how 2 start a meaningful conversation.....i may b known as a chatter box,but i seriously dunno how 2 start a mature ,friendly conversation with somebody whom i actually like............but,as d saying goes.......mera number zaroor aayega!!!!

lots of random thoughts...........

well,why am i blogging??? frankly speaking ,i dunno........am i an emotionally starved person??well,i dunno....am i just craving 4 attention...well,definitely not......!!it is only after reading my friend's blog,did this idea actually strike me........and,i thought,yeah,its cool........and soo the title.....this is certainely not a reflection of my soul as i do have my faithful diary(my 8 year companion) 4 tat.....at d moment my head is just filled up with so many of stupid ,useless ,lame thoughts......well,4 some i may b a perfect gal...good at studies,no hookups,always smiling,god fearing,mamma and papa's good gal........blah.......!!!............its all bullshit!!! there r times when i think......do i actually exist in this world???am i horribly out of place???i dunno how my so called heaven "my college"...has become hell 2 me....lots of surfacial friends meandering all around me......well,why this happens 2 me all d time,wud always remain a mystery.....well,if anybody by any chance happens 2 read this blog may get d impression tat im bein subjected 2 all sorts of torture in college why is totally untrue.......but,ther is something lacking....again,i dunno wat!!!tats wat i said,lots of random questions.......dunno d answer 2 any....ive got an exam day after 2moro........and,im writing this silly meaningless blog 2day.....again,i dunno why??!!

i am , by no means a writer...........then what am i doing here...??.i dont know.frankly speaking,i dont care.......this is a platform where i can be just me, just ME......no pretentions,no fake laughs,no secrets...nothing.....!