enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah..tats d thought in my mind...i cant bear it anymore...i worked my ass off,tried all tat i cud..and,yet..my gate exam was hard..really hard..wat makes it more saddenin is tat ..it wasnt tat hard..
i cud have easily got a winning score had i not made a few careless mistakes...mistakes,which i wud have never made on any other day..cant control my sorrow..............gate result is gonna come on march 15th...cant wait till tat...feelin drained...

my long lost confidence...

well,wat do i say...i know its been a long time since i actually posted something...writer's block i guess...hahaha...
well,its six months past...and,now i realize..it was NOT LOVE!!!...however,i can safely say that it was my second longest infactuation ....!!!
and so,finally ,im out of it...
and now...im outright,DESPERATE!!!
when i think about it,i wonder,wait a minute...what is actually wrong???
but,deep down inside,i know that everything is wrong...sigh...i seem to have lost that midas touch which alwayz placed me apart(well,atleast according to me...)...its almost like ,somebody has done a "sathru samhara pooja" to make my life a living hell!!! and sure it is....
if it werent for my family and a few close friends,im sure i would have suffered an emotional breakdown...
again,the question arises....wat is the actual problem????...
well,i think i have temporarily lost the most vital component of my system...my CONFIDENCE...
how??when?? where???..well,i dunno...and,frankly speakin i dont wanna know...it scares me..
Right now,as i sit home after my university exams,i can safely say that i have never written a series of examz as disasterous as these...sigh...wat scares me more is that this is just the beginning.....
nowadays,life is not challenging for me...it is scary!!!it somehow seems to be an arena filled with vultures,eagles,ghosts ,all eager to pounce on me...
this new year has soo far been anything but,happy....but...as nowadays people say....
ALL IZZZ WELL!!!!!!!

why am i jealous???

Well,why am i jealous? am i actually in love.............?? well,i dunno wat tat feeling is...it cud b a crash,an infatuation,anything.......i guess the feelings in my mind can b best expressed only after ,say 5 or 6 months......so,d countdown begins.......!!!hahahaha........ Today,im in a relaxed mood..

So, i guess,it is the right time 2 look back and pin point where i actually went wrong..maybe it could have been my appearance...i admit,i have a very childish look...but,i cant help it......and im not ashamed of it.infact,i like it.i guess the main reason would have been my persistent outburst at stuff in which a normal mallu girl is expected 2 keep mum at.but,again,i cant help tat.or it could have been my padipist image (it s just an image.......dunno who has spread it,coz im anything but a nerd)......now tats not my fault.........well,i guess i dont belong to this college....none of my crushes like me.infact,i can safely say tat, they absolutely detest me.neither do i have d courage to speak to them nor do i actually know how 2 start a meaningful conversation.....i may b known as a chatter box,but i seriously dunno how 2 start a mature ,friendly conversation with somebody whom i actually like............but,as d saying goes.......mera number zaroor aayega!!!!

lots of random thoughts...........

well,why am i blogging??? frankly speaking ,i dunno........am i an emotionally starved person??well,i dunno....am i just craving 4 attention...well,definitely not......!!it is only after reading my friend's blog,did this idea actually strike me........and,i thought,yeah,its cool........and soo the title.....this is certainely not a reflection of my soul as i do have my faithful diary(my 8 year companion) 4 tat.....at d moment my head is just filled up with so many of stupid ,useless ,lame thoughts......well,4 some i may b a perfect gal...good at studies,no hookups,always smiling,god fearing,mamma and papa's good gal........blah.......!!!............its all bullshit!!! there r times when i think......do i actually exist in this world???am i horribly out of place???i dunno how my so called heaven "my college"...has become hell 2 me....lots of surfacial friends meandering all around me......well,why this happens 2 me all d time,wud always remain a mystery.....well,if anybody by any chance happens 2 read this blog may get d impression tat im bein subjected 2 all sorts of torture in college why is totally untrue.......but,ther is something lacking....again,i dunno wat!!!tats wat i said,lots of random questions.......dunno d answer 2 any....ive got an exam day after 2moro........and,im writing this silly meaningless blog 2day.....again,i dunno why??!!

i am , by no means a writer...........then what am i doing here...??.i dont know.frankly speaking,i dont care.......this is a platform where i can be just me, just ME......no pretentions,no fake laughs,no secrets...nothing.....!